The Greatest Story Written Ever
by MoonyPadfootandProngsLive
Summary: Harry joins Draco on a quest to write a fanfiction, which they name The Greatest Story Written Ever. What chaos can occur from two enemys writing one story? Warnings: Many random pairings mentioned plus, an overly excited Padfoot
1. Voldemort's Harry's father?

Remus and Harry were sitting in the kitchen at Grimmauld place playing an intense match of chess. Remus, of course, was beating a horrified Harry, who was about to go into checkmate. Harry sighed. If he moved his last castle to the left then the queen would capture him and he would be forced to move his pawn capturing that, causing him to go into check mate. _I __hate __chess. __I __don't __get __why __the __horses __can __only __go __three __spaces! __I __mean, __what's __up __with __that. __In __a __real __war __the __knight __goes __wherever __he __bloody __wants! __Stupid __Remus __making __me __play __chess __to __see __who __does __the __dishes. __It's __making __my __head __hurt!_

"Make your move Harry," Remus said calmly, staring at the board intently waiting for Harry to move.

"AH, FORGET THIS!" Harry yelled, knocking over the whole chess board. "YOU WIN! OKAY? I JUST WANTED MY BLOODY KNIGHT NOT TO BE CAPTURED AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU CAPTURE IT! THERE WAS NO WAY FOR ME TO WIN!"

"You know, Harry, if you just moved your castle forward one space you would have me in check mate. But, considering I just won. I have the right not to do the dishes tonight."

"NO! I WON! I-I-I OH, FORGET IT!"

"Now, go-!" Remus began but was interrupted by a stomping down the stair case.

"VOLDEMORT'S YOUR REAL FATHER, HARRY?" Sirius yelled, jumping the last to steps.

"Wait-WHAT?" Harry said, jumping from his seat.

"Sirius, we both clearly know that James is Harry's biological father. I mean, he _looks __just l__ike __him,"_Remus said, shaking his head.

"BUT-BUT THE _GREATEST__STORY__WRITTEN__EVER_SAYS VOLDEMORT'S HIS FATHER!"

"Are you reading _Star __Wars _again?"

"You mean watching; I don't read."

"Yes, than watching _Star __Wars,_"

"NO, IT'S A STORY ON A SITE CALLED FANFICTION! IT SAID IT'S A ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE STORY!"

"Sirius, you do realize that _fiction_ is the second word of the site."

"YEAH, THAT MEANS TRUE!" Remus face palmed. "REMMY-!"

"Sirius, don't call me that."

"- THE AUTHOR IAMBETTERATWRITINGTHANYOU SAID IT WAS TRUE!"

"Will you stop screaming? So the authors name is I am better at writing then you? Are you sure you didn't write this?"

"IT'S THAN WITH AN A!"

"That's improper grammar right there…"

"SO? Harry, my dearest favorite bestest-!"

"That's not a word." Remus interrupted. "And I think Harry get's the point."

"Harry defiantly doesn't get the point," Harry said, shaking his head. "You should complement him more!"

"Nah, Harry get's the point." Sirius said. Harry pouted. "Anyway, my good godson! YOU HAVE TO READ THIS STORY! REMMY CAN DO THE DISHES!"

"NO, HE CAN'T!" Remus yelled. "I mean, Harry definitely doesn't want to read that."

"Harry definitely does!" Harry said, jumping up a few steps.

"You should to, _Remmy_!" Sirius said. "Well, after you're done the dishes. THE STORY TELLS THE FUTURE AND STUFF!"

"BUT-!" Sirius and Harry ran up the stairs before Remus could speak another word.

They went over to Sirius' room where a laptop was sitting on the bed. A story was on the screen named _The __Greatest __Story __Written __EVER!_

"Okay, Harry," Sirius said, directing Harry towards the computer. "You use this clicky thing to scroll down to read. And the letters, which I have no idea why they can't be in just bloody alphabetical order, and this is the space bar. You can review a person's story! But, you've gotta read this story first!" Harry sat down on the bed with his legs crossed.

"I know how to use a computer." Harry said.

"Oh, you grew up with muggles. That just slipped my mind." An awkward silence filled the room. "Well, I'm going to get a sandwich." With that, Sirius left. Harry stared at the doorway Sirius retreated from and picked up the computer and began to read.

_A/N HELLO MUDBLOODS AND MUGGLES READING THIS STUFF! THIS IS A TOTALLY TRUE STORY IN EVERYTHING I SAY ABOUT HARRY POTTER! JUST TO LET YOU KNOW!_

_Harry walked over to Voldemort getting a dark mark and stuff! I don't know why he wouldn't just do that in the real thing. Psh, that stupid Half-Blood. So Voldemort said,_

"_NO, I AM YOUR FATHER!" Harry gasped. Whatever that word means, I read a story that said gasped and I thought it would be a amazing word to use._

"_DADDY!" Harry yelled. He gave his daddy a hug. "Isn't Draco Malfoy, like the best person EVER?"_

"_HE IS!" His daddy yelled. "He should get every girl he wants!" So they went to Draco's house. Draco made out with every girl in the world. Because he's too sexy for his shirt, but Draco killed all the mudblood and muggle scum after he was done making out with them. Draco became supreme ruler. They had magic penguins that danced with unicorns. AND THEY KILLED TONS OF PEOPLE! Harry Potter wasn't popular anymore. Psh, like he was ever more popular than me!_

_So Slytherin went to a Quidditch match with Gryffindor. Draco being the sexy guy he is played all positions. The idiots in the Gryffindor house all DIED from his amazingness SUPERPOWER RULER! The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls all lined up to make-out with Draco Malfoy, the sexyist dude. _

_Voldemort made out with Nagini because I said so. Harry Potter DIED! HE DIED DIED IN A CASTLE FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE COULD HEAR HIM BEEP BEEP! So the world cheered with glee (I love that show! :F) Because manly people love glee! The girls all began to sing at the funeral,_

"_DRACO MALFOY, WE WANT TO SEE YOU NAKEDDDDD!" Draco took off his shirt and everybody fainted._

"_Daddy," Harry Potter said to his father, Nagini,_

"I thought Voldemort was my father," thought Harry out loud. "And aren't I dead?" Harry shrugged and continued reading.

"_I WANT TO SEE DRACO NAKED!"_

"_No," his daddy said. "You're grounded." AND HARRY POTTER DIED AGAIN!_

_Draco ruled the world because his dad is rich and your dad is dead, isn't he, Potter! So every girl made-out with Draco again, unless they died earlier. So than Severus Snape went up to Albus Dumbledore and said,_

"_I love you, Albus!"  
><em>

"_I love you to, Severus," he replied. They kissed passionately-_

Harry felt puke rise up into his throat.

_-tasting the taste of their tounges._

_Draco then became headmaster of Hogwarts and Pigfarts. Rumbleroar let Draco ride on his back everyday. But Harry Potter came back with a light sabor. He wasn't giving up to easily._

"_We meet again, Malfoy," Potter said, smirking (what's smirking?)._

"_So, Potter, are you jealous I got every girl in the world? Including, Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley?" Draco spoke, pulling out a crocodile._

_A/N SO SCUM, WHAT DO YOU THINK! HAHA, I LEFT YOU FOOLS WITH A CLIFF HANGER! REVIEW AS I HEAR PEOPLE SAY ON THIS FANFICTION SITE. REMEMBER, THIS STORY IS 100% TRUE!_

Harry stared at the page. This book had to be the worst! It said Nagini and Voldemort were his fathers (which he had no idea how this could even be a possibility), and worst of it all SLYTHERIN BEAT GRYFFINDOR IN QUIDDITCH. A brilliant idea of payback soon swarmed into Harry's head. _I know how I'll get payback. _He thought to himself.

**A/N So, what do you think? Review, and if you want to leave a review for Draco/Harry to read, tell me and I'll put it in the next chapter **


	2. Draco's Downfall

Draco Malfoy was in the kitchen with his daddy making heart shaped cookies. As he was doing this, he was explaining his story, _The Greatest Story Written Ever, _to his father in critical detail. His father seemed to linger on every little detail he said.

"So what happened after you took out the light saber?" Lucius Malfoy asked, doing a pirouette.

"Potter pulled out a crocodile and," Draco said, putting his hands up in the air for a dramatic effect.

"And?"

"That's it I left those MUDBLOODS, BLOOD TRAITORS AND MUGGLES with a CLIFFHANGER!"

"Go to your room!" 

"Did I do something bad, Daddy?"

"You left me with a cliff-hanger. Go until you are finished with the second chapter." Lucius pointed towards the staircase.

Draco stomped up the stairs and ran to his room which of course with Slytherin designs, pictures of sexy ladies, and a huge poster of Pigfarts. He walked over to his computer (he still did not really understand how it worked) and turned on the monitor. His fanfiction was still up! It took him hours to find the site in general so that was something he was happy about.

"Refresh" He said as he clicked the refresh button. He clicked the review button. HE HAD NINE REVIEWS! "I knew I was the best writer ever."

_Sirius J. Potter_

_Chapter 1_

Did Black have an account? No, he couldn't have. Why would someone on the run do something that rash? He shook his head; maybe he was over-estimating the idiot. Why, his mother told him Black was one of the biggest morons out there. And Uncle Sevy told him stuff that he should repeat. After staring at the name for about five minutes, he decided to read the review.

_Funny story but Where is Sirius Black? I want Sirus he is clearly the best looking character EVER!_

This probably was the idiot.

_I mean siriusly Sirius is HOT! Will you make his clothes disappear? Please? _

This _wasn__'__t_ Black… This was stupid blood traitor that knew Black personally somehow.

_The way he pulls pranks and could care less for the stupid pure blood bigoted ways is such a turn on. I want to have his children._

Ok… That was disturbing. How DARE she go against blood purity? His father told him that was the most important thing about wizard-kind. This must be a mudblood.

_I think I am in love with him. Padfoot marry me, you are so much better then Draco _

_Malfoy_

Pshh… He always knew he was the sexiest!

_and his father who clearly thinks himself female with the way he wears that hair. Long hair is sexy like Harry's in his fourth year but Lucy went overboard. Is he trying to get a man? Ah he must be gay but someone should tell him that the act will fail eventualy. Is he coming out of the closet perhaps? Anyways Sirius is hot Draco is not._

Draco clenched his fist. HE WAS HOT, AND HIS FATHER WAS THE GREATEST MAN EVER! HIS FATHER WAS NOT GAY! _Wait until my father hears about this mudblood you will pay! _ Maybe reading the next review would calm him down.

_SiriusthesexyPadfoot_

_Chapter 1_

Now this was the idiot.

_I LOVE YOUR STORY! YOU ARE A GENIUS!_

So Black agreed with him. Black must not be that bad after all.

_I always knew something was different about Harry. The only thing I disagree with is Slytherin winning the match. But, I suggest you continue writing. I am sooooo excited for chapter two. Remus says this is illogical and makes no sense. He says that someone can not die three times. I just told him he has no taste in literature._

Draco smiled at least someone appreciated his works. The stupid werewolf should be eliminated.

_I know this is 100% true. Remus said Voldemort and Nagini couldn't both be his fathers. I once again told him that you had a typo since Remus told me Nagini was a girl! I told Harry since we found out who his biological parents are; we would always be there for him. Ignore all bad comments from Remus, he doesn't know greatness when he sees it._

Draco was delighted someone understood him. They believed every word he typed. Draco scrolled up the page.

_MoonyLupin_

_Chapter 1_

_WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! Stop writing, don't continue please. You make Harry want to commit suicide. The Aurors came to our house to see if this crack was true. They destroyed the house, inspected everyone there, and most of all they STOLE MY TURKEY SANDWICH! YOU OWE ME MY LUNCH! You are a disgrace to literature and to mankind. Please don't continue._

Wow! Another person loved his story!

_Charlie Sheen_

_Winning._

_What was wrong with this muggle? _Draco thought.

_Sarah Malfoy_

_Chapter 1_

_You will never be like Draco Malfoy EVER! He is so sexy and is mine. You make him seem like a moron which he is not he is smartest, humblest, bestest person alive._

"This muggle makes absolutely no sense" Draco said to himself. The rest of the reviews had chapter two under them which confused Draco. He had not written a second chapter. Draco clicked his story and scrolled down. He clicked the arrow next to chapter one. _Well that hadn't been there before_ Draco thought. Chapter two appeared! Draco was shocked he had not written a second chapter then who had?

_A/N HELLO I FIGURED OUT WHO YOU ARE HAHAHAHA! YOUR PASSWORD WAS SO EASY I MEAN REALLY REALLY? I know who you are DLM!_

How did this person know his name let alone his middle name? They must be stalking him.

_So Harry Potter was walking with his father JAMES POTTER! NOT VOLDEMORT OR NAGINI! MALFOY! And they ran into Draco Malfoy with his parents Umbridge and Pettigrew and his sister Hermione Granger (I AM MAD AT HER SHE TOOK MY BROOM FOR NOT DOING MY HOMEWORK!) and they were all MUGGLES!_

Draco wanted to throw this filthy muggle device out the window. How DARE this hacker change who his parents are and make _him _a muggle.

_AND Sirius Black was innocent and Pettigrew was sent to Azkaban! HAHAHA_

"_No! Father don't leave me" Draco yelled over to his father who was getting the dementors kiss. HOW DOES IT FEEL MALFOY?_

_James didn't care because he didn't know who this was and he wasn't an illegal animagus and he wasn't their friend and/or secret keeper_

_Malfoy, now Pettigrew, yelled out to the world "I AM GAY!" as he kissed his romantic interest Lockheart who was also a Muggle. Their wedding soon arrived and they got married. Since it was their first anniversary it was interrupted by HARRY FREAKIN' POTTER! who stabbed Lockheart and cast Crucio on Malfoy one thousand times and Harry Potter got bored so he stabbed Draco twenty times and he threw Draco out the window which he probably wants to do with his computer right now. Harry Potter went to Draco's mangled up body mangled I heard Remus use it I thought it sounded good, and he punch Draco thirty times and then he was so kind he used the killing curse on Draco and gave his body to the dementors._

_THREE YEARS LATER_

_Harry happily lived with Remus and Sirius and his parents who were clearly alive. The following people died: the dursleys, malfoys, Snape, tom marvolo riddle, umbitch, Snape, walburga black's portrait, fudge, SNAPE, Percy Weasley, Snape, Dumbledore since I am mad at him, Snape, the dursleys, Marge, crabbe (goyle is too stupid to die), Snape, Dudley's friends, Snape, mrs. Norris, Snape, Viktor Krum because Ron said if I ever make a list I have to put him, Snape, Peter Pettigrew, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, Snape, Snape, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, PETTIGREW, Snape, Draco again, Snape, Michael Corner he is annoying, Snape, Semeus I am mad at him too, Snape, Voldy, Snape, tom m. riddle again, Snape, my glasses they broke yesterday , Kreacher, Stephanie Meyer, Snape, SNAPE AND SNAPE!_

_You may say I don't know who umbridge is but she was at my hearing …_

_The end_

That was the worst story Draco ever read. I mean really he was NOT gay, he hated Lockheart, Potter's parents kicked the bucket, his parents were NOT Umbridge and that poor excuse for a wizard (he was the weakest link the Dark Lord had), and of coarse HE WAS NOT A MUGGLE! Draco felt so angry he wanted to hit something. He scrolled down and read the Author's Note.

_A/N HAHAHA I AM SOO HAPPY I HAVE WRITTEN A WONDERFUL CHAPTER REVIEW! OH AND MALFOY I CHANGED THE PASSWORD! I WILL GIVE YOU THE PASSWORD TO THIS AND YOUR EMAIL IF LET ME HELP! _

_ HJP_

"POTTER!" Draco screamed at the top of his lungs.

Draco did not know what to do if Potter continued every chapter he would die. He decided to send a review with his final decision.

**A/N So what did you think! I hoped you enjoyed our update. Review your thoughts for Draco and Harry's story and your thoughts for our story!**

**Moony and Padfoot out**


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